Sup Fools?! Welcome to ze new and improved blogarithm.
(Side note: I never did get why people say "new and improved" If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. Have fun solving that paradox.)
The Shredicles of Gnarnia is brought to you daily for your entertainment commercial free by
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Allow me to introduce us...lets start with the basics;
1. We shred the Gnar. Hard. Sometimes in eachothers pants. Throwin 720's post 50-50 board slide on a kink rail. Ok not really. But it sounds pretty legit in theory.
2. We enjoy going into bars and getting completely sugar shwasted on Shirley Temples, surely. Suckers for the toxic Sprite + Grenadine combo. That sugar..does things to us..not..think..straight..talk..backwardz
3. We slay the LSAT via Ticonderoga and Ticonderoga ONLY. Once you go black...
4. We talk fluent Englibic. Like Spanglish. Just..more disjointed. Aint No thang.
5. Addicts de la Sprinkles Cupcakes. Put in the situtation, we would risk our own lives for that of our beloved madagascar bourbon vanilla cake & french vanilla frosting cupcakes. {we make our cupcakes wear seatbelts. Safety First. Click it or ticket}
6. Haters of Twi-vomit and sorority cults. Don't be sucked into that sorority rite-of-passage bullshiza. If you feel left out, go color some Greek symbols on a tee-shirt (or lack thereof) and strut around campus like a) you have nothing better to do with your life and/or b) you're so hungover you don't know where you're going. You'll fit in perfectly and everyone will believe you. Be not offended Twi-hards and greek sistahs, we're only kidding. Kinda.
7. Nat is a door knockin, early to wed Momo. Erika is a penny lovin member of the jew-squad.
{actually I prefer quarters}
Natalie: "What significance does Laban play in Jewish scripture/history?" Erika: "How the cuss-word should I know? 1. I was kicked out of Hebrew school for putting glue in the Rabbi's chair at age 8, 2. I just wrote a letter to Santa asking for a mother lovin' beach cruiser. Eff my religiousless fail of an existence!" Erika Franta. Keep'n it kosher since 1989.
8. Slayers of 2000 piece puzzles of Jewsus at the Last supper, and by slayers I mean it slayed us. Fail.
9. We can make front page of every local newspaper in 48 hours of being in a state. It's been done.
10. Imma tell ya one time.....Bieber. Fever. Ya hurrdd?!
• Swim well in public fountains. Has been performed twice, as to ensure the legality of the first occurrence was not purely due to random chance. However, it is imperative we swim together. Without Erika, Natalie will sink. Without Natalie, Erika steals the coins.
• Efficient. Erika and Natalie conveniently left town in the middle of finals week, managing to drive to California, hit up the Campus Rail Jam Tour, throw a in-room dance party, and return home; all after the first final and before the second.
• Excellent communication skills. Just ask Sammi when she's trying to sleep at 4am.
• Punctuality. We religiously attended vampirehappy hour promptly at 10pm every evening. I'll just omit the numerous times we've skipped class, ditched Kaplan LSAT prep, and forgot our class was in the morning, and not in the evening.
• Loyalty. You want to know why Ra Sushi Bar is as successful as it is? It's because of all the Shirley Temples we've ordered. Checcck it.
• Compassion. After killing spiders, we feel remorse.
• Integrity. So sure, we might have lied to Tori, leaving her on the beach and telling her we'd be right back. We did, indeed, go to the restroom like we said - we just left out details regarding the detour we made to get some cheesecake.
------------------------------------------------------------------ Work Experience:
• Mentor: Reminding kids in LSAT prep why their scores are so low. And occasionally throwing a book or two.
• Snowboard Instructor: Takin' kids to the top, and letting them figure out how to make their way back down while we go slay some park. Meet at the lodge for lunch at noon.
• Health Inspector: Yep, the ice cream is surely contaminated..don't mind if I remove this from your house and properly dispose of it..in mahh bellllllly!
