If we had to write our resume, it'd look something like this:
Arcave, Arcave & Associates, LLC
Natalie Wall
Erika Franta
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Job Qualifications:
• Swim well in public fountains. Has been performed twice, as to ensure the legality of the first occurrence was not purely due to random chance. However, it is imperative we swim together. Without Erika, Natalie will sink. Without Natalie, Erika steals the coins.
• Efficient. Erika and Natalie conveniently left town in the middle of finals week, managing to drive to California, hit up the Campus Rail Jam Tour, throw a in-room dance party, and return home; all after the first final and before the second.
• Excellent communication skills. Just ask Sammi when she's trying to sleep at 4am.
• Punctuality. We religiously attended vampirehappy hour promptly at 10pm every evening. I'll just omit the numerous times we've skipped class, ditched Kaplan LSAT prep, and forgot our class was in the morning, and not in the evening.
• Loyalty. You want to know why Ra Sushi Bar is as successful as it is? It's because of all the Shirley Temples we've ordered. Checcck it.
• Compassion. After killing spiders, we feel remorse.
• Integrity. So sure, we might have lied to Tori, leaving her on the beach and telling her we'd be right back. We did, indeed, go to the restroom like we said - we just left out details regarding the detour we made to get some cheesecake.
Natalie Wall
Erika Franta
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Job Qualifications:
• Swim well in public fountains. Has been performed twice, as to ensure the legality of the first occurrence was not purely due to random chance. However, it is imperative we swim together. Without Erika, Natalie will sink. Without Natalie, Erika steals the coins.
• Efficient. Erika and Natalie conveniently left town in the middle of finals week, managing to drive to California, hit up the Campus Rail Jam Tour, throw a in-room dance party, and return home; all after the first final and before the second.
• Excellent communication skills. Just ask Sammi when she's trying to sleep at 4am.
• Punctuality. We religiously attended vampirehappy hour promptly at 10pm every evening. I'll just omit the numerous times we've skipped class, ditched Kaplan LSAT prep, and forgot our class was in the morning, and not in the evening.
• Loyalty. You want to know why Ra Sushi Bar is as successful as it is? It's because of all the Shirley Temples we've ordered. Checcck it.
• Compassion. After killing spiders, we feel remorse.
• Integrity. So sure, we might have lied to Tori, leaving her on the beach and telling her we'd be right back. We did, indeed, go to the restroom like we said - we just left out details regarding the detour we made to get some cheesecake.
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Work Experience:
• Mentor: Reminding kids in LSAT prep why their scores are so low. And occasionally throwing a book or two.
• Snowboard Instructor: Takin' kids to the top, and letting them figure out how to make their way back down while we go slay some park. Meet at the lodge for lunch at noon.
• Health Inspector: Yep, the ice cream is surely contaminated..don't mind if I remove this from your house and properly dispose of it..in mahh bellllllly!
Work Experience:
• Mentor: Reminding kids in LSAT prep why their scores are so low. And occasionally throwing a book or two.
• Snowboard Instructor: Takin' kids to the top, and letting them figure out how to make their way back down while we go slay some park. Meet at the lodge for lunch at noon.
• Health Inspector: Yep, the ice cream is surely contaminated..don't mind if I remove this from your house and properly dispose of it..in mahh bellllllly!
Written by Natalie
1 comment:
That is a pretty dang impressive resume if you ask me. I'd hire us, just sayin.
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